理解悲伤与失去

Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something that matters to you. It can affect your emotions, body, thinking and relationships, sometimes in ways that surprise you.

There is no right way to grieve and no fixed timetable. This guide explains common reactions to grief and loss, some helpful ways to think about grieving, how grief differs from depression and when it may help to talk with a counsellor or psychologist.

什么是悲伤？

Grief is the set of reactions we have when we lose someone or something important. It reflects the strength of our attachment, and it is a normal part of human life.

Loss can take many forms, including:

• the death of a partner, family member, friend or pet
• pregnancy loss, stillbirth or infertility
• separation, divorce or the end of a friendship
• loss of health, independence or a body function after illness or injury
• losing a job, a home, a business or financial security
• migration, and leaving behind family, language or community
• a loved one living with dementia or a serious illness, where they are still here but changed

Some losses are not widely recognised by others, such as the death of an ex-partner or a pregnancy loss that few people knew about. This can make grief feel lonely. Your grief is valid even if others do not see it.

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Common reactions to grief

Healthdirect describes a wide range of normal grief reactions.

Feelings

Shock, numbness, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, anger, guilt, anxiety and, sometimes, relief. Relief is common after a long illness and does not mean you cared less.

Body

Tiredness, poor sleep, changes in appetite, headaches, stomach upsets and aches. Grief is exhausting, and you may get sick more easily.

Thinking

Trouble concentrating, forgetfulness, going over events again and again, or finding it hard to believe the loss is real.

Behaviour and relationships

Crying, pulling away from people, keeping busy to avoid feelings, or wanting to talk about the person often. You may notice changes in relationships as people respond differently to the loss.

Grief often comes in waves. You may feel fine for a while and then be overwhelmed by a song, a smell or a date on the calendar. This is normal.

There are no neat stages

You may have heard that grief moves through stages, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Many people find these words describe some of their feelings. However, grief rarely follows a set order, and not everyone experiences every feeling.

A widely used way of understanding grief is the dual process model described by researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut. It suggests that people move back and forth between two kinds of tasks:

• Loss-focused: thinking about the person, feeling the pain, looking at photos, crying.
• Restoration-focused: dealing with practical changes, learning new roles, trying new things and taking a break from grief.

The model suggests that moving between the two, and taking breaks from grieving, is a healthy part of coping. So if you have a good day, laugh with friends or feel absorbed in work, it does not mean you have stopped caring.

How long does grief last?

There is no set timeline. Healthdirect notes that for most people the intensity of grief eases over time, but everyone grieves differently. Many people carry some grief for life, while also finding ways to live well alongside it.

Prolonged grief disorder

For a smaller number of people, grief stays intense and disabling for a long time. This is called prolonged grief disorder. In the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual (DSM-5-TR), it can be diagnosed in adults at least 12 months after a death. A 2021 study that tested these criteria describes core features such as intense yearning for the person, feeling that part of yourself has died, and loss of meaning.

People with prolonged grief may feel stuck and find it very hard to manage daily life. Specific therapies can help, so it is worth seeking support.

Grief or depression?

Grief and depression can look similar, and they can happen together. In grief, painful feelings usually centre on the loss and come in waves, and you can still feel moments of warmth or humour. In depression, low mood tends to be constant and spreads to most things, often with feelings of worthlessness. If you are unsure, talk with your GP.

Ways to cope

• Let yourself feel what you feel, without judging it.
• Keep simple routines for sleep, meals and movement.
• Accept practical help, and tell people what you need.
• Talk about the person or the loss with people who listen well.
• Find ways to remember, such as rituals, writing, photos or cultural and faith practices.
• Go easy on big decisions in the early months if you can.
• Be careful with alcohol and other drugs, which can make grief harder.
• Plan ahead for anniversaries, birthdays and holidays.

Grief, culture and faith

Cultures and faiths have different ways of mourning, from set periods of ritual to private reflection. There is no single healthy way. If you are grieving far from family or community, or your traditions feel out of step with those around you, it can help to find people who share or respect your practices.

Supporting someone who is grieving

You do not need the perfect words. Say their loved one’s name, offer specific help such as meals or school pick-ups, and keep checking in after the first few weeks, when support often drops away.

When to get extra support

Consider talking with a counsellor, psychologist or your GP if:

• grief has been very distressing for a long time and is not easing
• you are struggling to work, care for others or look after yourself
• you feel numb, stuck or unable to accept the loss
• the loss was sudden, violent or traumatic
• you are relying on alcohol or other drugs to cope
• you have thoughts of harming yourself or not wanting to live

Grief counselling offers a safe place to talk, make sense of what happened, work through guilt or regret, and find ways to carry the loss while rebuilding daily life. There is no pressure to get over the loss or to forget. A psychologist can also treat prolonged grief, trauma or depression if these are present.

If you are in danger, call 000. For 24-hour crisis support call Lifeline on 13 11 14. The Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) also supports people bereaved by suicide, 24 hours a day. Griefline offers a free national grief helpline on 1300 845 745. Check their website for current hours.

Invictus Health 能提供哪些帮助

Our counsellors and psychologists offer grief and general counselling in person at our Preston clinic in Melbourne or by telehealth across Australia. If grief has become tangled with low mood, we also provide depression counselling.

You can book directly, without a referral. Visit our booking page or see our fees and rebates page 费用方面。.